The bench

Recently I found myself looking at an old battered and bruised bench. It is not an ordinary bench by any means, this bench can move. It has waged through storms of great magnitude, been thrown over more than a few times and even been broken in a few pieces. Paint chips often can be found scattered around its surface and yet the amazing thing is, it still glides beautifully.

This bench was a wedding gift to my husband and I eleven years ago at our wedding shower. It has traveled with us from one home to another and now sits proudly on our front porch. The very place I always pictured it. Interesting thing is when I first sat in it all those years ago, opening lovely wrapped gifts. I had no idea what God really had in store for me. Even now I am often left pondering. 

Anyone who has torched through this life knows what I am talking about. Life is so often not about the pretty things. The fancy wrapped things are usually not the ones we see Him in. Oh no my friend, it is in the broken and bruised parts of our life that we witness our great God doing His majestic work.

There have been times I have sat on that bench back when it was pretty and painted and thought about nothing in particular. Then there have been the times I have sat and rocked and rocked, attempting to rock the pain away. The winds would again pick up and the storms would come and blow us over yet again. Rain would pound on us and even chip away at our pretty exterior, the one we worked so hard to keep together. We would eventually even break under the pressure.

Then something brilliant happened. In my brokenness, something amazing occurred. I walked past my bruised and beaten old bench and I witnessed how strong it really is. I feel its ability to still rock with the wind and withstand the worldly beatings. I no longer am focused on the exterior, I am witnessing the inner most part at work, the One that keeps it moving. I see me. I see the one God takes notice of when He looks down on His precious creation. I feel His Hand upon me.

Yes I may be worn, I may be battered. At times I may break under His pressure, even be blown over by the very winds of life God has allowed me to walk through. But in this moment, this sweet and precious moment I am reminded of the truth. The Heavenly Truth. It is during these seasons of my life, these not so pretty parts that I most experience my Heavenly Papa coming to be with me. Leaving His throne to scoop me up and put me back on His firm foundation. He is the Potter that not only puts me back together. He is the Potter that holds me together.

Not my way Lord, but the beautiful way You always imagined and intended for me."O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand" (Isaiah 64:8). "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16).

A life long prayer...
Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

In Jesus' Name I pray, amen.

Growing in Grace

How do you glorify God? What is it in your life that you can do on a daily basis to give glory to the Lord? Have you ever really thought about those questions... really pondered what giving God glory looks like?


For a while now I have felt like my head is in the sand. As much as I want to have my head in the clouds I can not seem to get my head out of the mire and muck of this world. Consumed by constant affliction, wondering at times how my actions can be glorifying to God. Caught up in the "why me Lord" instead of the "thank You Jesus".


Have you ever been there?


The Lord has spoken to me just recently. He has spoke to me about how all that transpires in my life, all that He allows is growing me in grace. When I think of grace I often think of Christ and the richness of His love for me as He gave Himself as a ransom on my behalf to cover my multitudes of sin with His innocent blood. (Ephesians 2:5)


In that precious moment I see the truth. I may never be able to climb upon a cross and be crucified for another. But what I can do is die to myself. With every insult and hardened heart that crosses my path I can choose to love and forgive. Seeking to show grace rather that wrath. Allowing others to see me attempt to love as Jesus loves and pointing to Him as my Heavenly example. After all He is my strength (Philippians 4:13).


The road of life appears filled with endless hills and valleys at times, my body aches at the wounds this life often creates. Yet it is in those times of reflection with my Heavenly Father I realize. These are the moments when the crowd is watching me. Taunting me the enemy desires to have me to fail, to give up and quit trying. Yet the Lord picks me up and says, "now is your chance, show them ME!" "Show them grace until they can not help but see ME in you." Tear filled eyes I cry to my Papa "I can not do it!" HE reminds me He never asked me to. For with out Him nothing I do can be worthy of His glory. (Psalm 115: 1)


That is the amazing part. We give Him glory because it is HIM working through us. Do you understand that as you grow in grace... you are ultimately growing into obedience to accept that which you can not understand. The things that hurt the most, test your faith and bring you to your knees. It is when you make the choice to die to bitterness and choose instead to forgive that HE smiles and says... "well done my child, you are truly growing into MY grace".

"For all [these] things are [taking place] for your sake, so that the more grace (divine favor and spiritual blessing) extends to more and more people and multiplies through the many, the more thanksgiving may increase [and redound] to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 4: 15

Seeing through the fog... into the clouds

A grander plan? Some times I think we have all wondered what plan could possibly involve this? What Author could use such events to bring about good from these heartaches, mistakes, misfortunes? Romans 8:28 (NIV) "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


Have you ever been driving in a time of dense fog? Straining your eyes to see that which you know lies ahead? The question is are you looking for the worldly things you know will soon make their appearance known sooner or later? Or are you looking past those things on our road of life and straining your eyes to look towards the Heavens... into the clouds for the Savior who awaits your call?


The fog may never cease in this life but it is virtually unseen when looking at it from an aerial view... HIS view. Want to experience this picture perfect trust? Ask, Receive, Seek, Find and Open your heart to... Jesus.


For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8 (NLT)

Groundhog day

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns. Or maybe we just turn the wrong way and God makes His will known? Either way the experience is anything but pleasant. Filled with pain and grief as well as a bunch of confusion about sums up the concoction of feelings.

The power comes when you begin to embrace the turns and stop trying to maneuver your way through His will. It won't work and believe me you do not always have to be intelligent enough to understand it. Even if you finally figure it out... it still takes obedience on your part to be willing to accept it.

Sitting there you may think well if it is God's will of course you accept it. How could you not? Well I need to be honest and share that although I may also think those thoughts, thinking and acting upon them are two completely different things.

Have you ever watched the movie Groundhog day with Bill Murray? It is a movie that as my life goes on I can actually begin to relate with. The whole process of living out each day again and again until you finally get it right is what we as Christians do on a daily basis. Maybe most people get it faster than me, I am not sure but I do know it continues to be a challenge to change the behavior or circumstance God continues to bring me through.

When I think about what I have seen others endure I feel selfish in my thoughts for their path and turns have been more bitter sweet than anything I have ever endured. We each have watched others suffer and often times tried our best to understand their pain and yet can not even come close to empathizing with it.

We have the best interests at heart but the question remains, is that God's interest? It appears I have learned the hard way often times it is not. Grief is a hard lesson to learn, the pain is intense and the idea and often times the prayer of please Lord let this be a dream ends with a bitter reality. It is not a dream. Life is really what is seems at this moment.

Finally embracing this is much harder than I ever conceived. It seems foolish to ever think a life change would some how be easy. But what I have found is that it is anything but easy. Often times it is the pain that brings you back to the only One who can take it away. Waiting on His perfect time to relieve it is often even harder. Here I am as a fellow Sister in Christ with arms lifted high, yet trembling at the thought of releasing it ALL to Him. Reminding myself that it is not the release that scares me but more my resistance to change. Here is to trying once again as a new day approaches. Can Groundhog day come to an end... only His time will tell.

God Sized Piggy Back Ride

Have you ever had the kind of day... week... year that appears to be filled with constant apprehension? When much seems uncertain it is hard to focus and enjoy the gifts given to us each and everyday. Instead you feel forced into the endless unknowns of your mind. The strange thing is that often times it is the same unknown we continue to have swirling around in our mind. Replaying the same scenarios over and over again, unable to grasp if and when these events will come to pass.

My friends I have been having one of those years. In all honesty I have spent a number of years filled with apprehension. Ever since I boldly said yes to God I have been under attack. As time continues on life only appears to get harder. Although the body can often times become numb to the mental abuse of the mind, our Spirit never does. The Holy Spirit grieves each and every time we fall victim to the abuse and lies of the enemy.

Over and over I have been reminded to take such thoughts captive, 2 Corinthians 10:5. To rebuke the enemy away from my mind and thoughts and to pray for God's truth of scripture to fill the void that the captivity has left behind. The Bible is clear if you do not fill your mind and heart with God and His truth after you remove the sin and lies you will allow the enemy to come right back in. Most cases stronger than he was before, Matthew 12:43-45.

You see we can not do anything about our current state of attacks. The more we do for the Lord and His Kingdom, the more fierce the attacks from the enemy. The truth is that simple. Yet even with such a statement, we know that although it may be simply put... it is in no way easy. Unless we are going to attempt to go back to our old ways and sin filled life we should not expect the attacks to go away. The closer we are to God's will, the more fierce the beatings we receive from those of this world. Take a moment to think of Jesus and His last days. Think about the things that others said about him, the horrible and harsh way He was treated. Remember this when the words of others used to describe you are also cruel and their behavior toward you at times filled with contempt. Take heart and hold on to the hope found in 1 John 5:4 (NLT), "For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith."

Friends, I share with you today because I know I am not the only one being attacked. That there are many more of God's warriors being bombarded with lies and being whipped into a state of disillusionment. We must keep our focus on Heaven and we must persevere! God is not only leading us, He is walking with us. At times He has even carried us when the burdens have staggered our walk. Other times He races for us with us holding tightly on to Him, smiling with excitement and joy as He triumphantly carries us like a child on His back. Can you imagine this God sized piggy back ride?

Just recently I had the privilege of hearing a Brother in Christ share his hope and faith. Bryant and his wife Jennifer had just said goodbye to their 1 year old daughter. Mikayla fought the good fight before she was eventually called home. Bryant said boldly and courageously that the decision to let Mikayla go was much easier because he knew where she was going and that they would be together again... this time forever. Bryant imagined Mikayla receiving the most amazing piggy back ride up to Heaven. These are words I will not forget. Jennifer and Bryant's faith will be forever etched in my memory as will the picture of Mikayla getting a God sized piggy back ride into paradise.

The race has already begun friends and God is cheering us onward. He is enabling our falls to be used for His glory and His purpose, Romans 8:28. He will remain at our side until we reach the finish line. The next time you feel like giving up and begin to lose sight of your Heavenly prize, close your eyes and ask God to remove the distractions. Ask Him to peel back the curtains of Heaven and give you a sneak peek at what He has been preparing for you. Pray to embrace and cleave to His will and to do it with His strength, Philippians 4:13. Remind yourself of the truth that God spoke to me through Paul's sharing in The Message version of Galatians 5:7-10 "You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn't come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don't toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment."

Friends God will ultimately deal with those in our life who try time and time again to knock us off the track and have us eliminated. Take heart and remember that although we may not know all God has in store for us, or what lies ahead. We do know the most important part... how the story ends. Praise the Lord, come Lord Jesus come!

Busyness or IDOLness?

Where does the time go? Or should I say what do we waste so much of our time on? It seems like forever since I have been able to just sit down and write.

As a Mom I have been busy of course. In all honesty though I have found that I have wasted idle time just sitting at the computer becoming consumed. I probably don't have to tell you what I am being consumed with. If you know me well enough you know it starts with an F and ends with a K.

The interesting thing is that although Facebook is a great tool for connecting with others. It can also become quite addicting. For me personally, I have the privilege and feel a calling to share my faith with 700+ people a day through Facebook. It is a great tool to do just that but I believe it can also become a tool used by the enemy.

Have you ever timed yourself or taken time to jot down in a journal just how much time you spend on your computer, your cellphone? I am no longer just talking about Facebook; Emails, Instant Messaging, Games, EBay, Craig's List, the list can go on and on. We have so much to choose from. Even the beloved Blog, which I am writing right now. It is wonderful to share intimate portraits and stories with so many others through technology. The question has to be raised though, have we begun to do it at the expense of those we love? Even the One who calls to be our first love? Have we pushed aside our spouses, children, friends? Have we resorted to sending an email rather than dropping by for some face to face quality time? Are we becoming just like so many youths in our society... unable to make eye contact or not fully listening because we are texting or checking emails via our computer or even more popular these days, our cell phone?

From my own admissions I hope you understand that I am sharing from my own personal struggle as well as my own awakening. Technology is a constant in our lives that updates everyday. It is a gift and it has undoubtedly many blessings attached to it but it can also become an idol. An idol that can keep our minds so busy we are unable to move and thus become full of idleness.

So what are some things we can do to keep the technology in our lives from consuming us? Not sure what all the ideas may be but I personally have a few things I have done to try and help keep my passions at bay.

First I have made some major commitments. When I awake the Lord is first. I wake up talking to God and thanking Him and then I spend time in His word. Taking at least a few minutes to listen and wait on the Lord before I even get out of bed. I have asked God to not even allow me to get on the computer before I spend time with Him first. This commitment was set when I first signed up for Facebook. It was obvious how time consuming it could be and I was hoping to cover myself before I became completely consumed in technology. Second I only check emails and connect to the Internet via the computer. I have reluctantly and grudgingly at times had to walk away from the flashy cellphones that offer everything under the sun. It seems you can do just about anything from your cell phone. How strange many people must think I am for only using my cellphone for the purpose of conversation. I will admit to texting on occasion when the opportunity arises, but that is as far as I will go.

So how do you stay on top of the technology busyness that causes idleness? How do you create a heart not consumed by these technology Idols? Or are you just now realizing you have become consumed? I would love to hear your feedback. Please share your ideas and concerns and lets get to the bottom of the pit of technology and help each other out. We will all be better in the end for the energy we share then the time we waste.

From one woman to another...

As I sat here tonight pondering whether or not to go to bed or sit up and write... I was reminded that the quietness is a great tool to bring things to the surface. The sound of the keys on the keyboard is peaceful when you feel God is leading you to type the very words on the screen. Saying this with a small amount of hesitation. Many of times before, when God has allowed me to share, it was not with out judgment and a few harsh words being said. Whether to me or directed about me.

I have come to realize though that those times are no longer a moment of weakness for my fleshly beating heart but instead I have found comfort in the ability to pray through those challenging times. Now writing this and sharing it, all the while knowing that most of you reading this are more than likely Christians and more than likely women. If you are not I am putting out a disclaimer that what I am about to talk about is not some thing that would make a non believer run to church to check out first hand. BUT I am promising to end it with a great thought so please stay with me to the end.

Over the course of the 15 or so years that I have been a believer I have been amazed, utterly amazed at how God is in control. How He brings people into our lives... at just the right moment. How He ordains everything. Allowing it "all to work together for the greater good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose," Romans 8:28. I have met some amazing Sisters and Brothers in Christ and been blessed by many new friendships that have lead to great and incredible fellowship. The gift of Christ and others who believe is truly the only thing in life that comes free of charge and without a return policy. And yet I say that with some humor....

Why you might ask? Well I have also unfortunately over the years had to experience some ugliness, some unforgiveness, gossip, criticism, cruel and unusual treatment. The times it has hurt and surprised me most is when it came from those in my life who I know knew better. Friends let me just say before I go any farther I am here typing and raising my hand at the same time. I have been there and done each and every one of those things too. I do not say this proudly, only in honest sharing to my weaknesses as well.

The reason I am writing tonight is because I feel lead to bring some of this "stuff" this truly yucky stuff to the surface. Many of times God speaks to my heart and reminds me to be faithful to Him. To share the things He asks me to share and many of times I have... ignored Him. A few times I am grateful to say I did not ignore him but I have a long way to go on the obedient side before I will even become close to meeting in the middle.

Before I continue I would just like to say that I am not sharing from recent occurrences only but more so from a birds eye view of things that have happened around me. Unfortunately having had the opportunity to witness. What might these things be you may ask? Well they are the moments we as Christian Sisters forget who our Father is, who we are in Him and who He has created and called us to be.

Christians are marked by love, it is the only thing that makes us different from every one else. It is our mark just as a real bill has a watermark on it, it is the one thing that makes our believing bodies real in comparison to the counterfeits. It is the one thing He reminds all of us when we read 1 John 4:19 "We love each other because he loved us first."

Alright so here come the tough questions, are you ready? If you were to die today how would you be remembered? Would people remember you for the smile you always wore on your face or the kind words you always spoke of every one else. Would they hear your words replaying praise for others or would they hear you gossiping and critiquing another? Tough questions huh, I am not trying to make them easy?! Remember I need to hear what I am writing just as much as you who are reading. In a world that is so backwards, does it make any less sense that we as Christians would choose the easy route as well?

We have been disillusioned by the enemy ladies, completely fallen into his slimy trap and we seem to be unable to get out. We start to get our footing and we even think we have it down for a while and then boom we are right back in the mud... again. Unable to move anything it seems except our tongue.

The funny thing is, well in all honesty it is not very funny in the literal sense. It is quite astonishing and yet completely baffling. The thought I am asking you to consider is, do we not realize we are attacking are own body? We are after all Christ's body of believers and so when we criticize and slander each other we are really doing it all to.... here it goes, Jesus. Now that is a scary thought, a very humbling and embarrassing thought as well. We have forgotten ladies that our battle is not with each other or with flesh and bone. The scriptures teach that it is a full out war with the prince of darkness and his entourage. Ephesians 6:12 states; "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Our battle is not with another human!

So here is my challenge for you, will you pray harder to stop this vicious cycle? Will you challenge your Sisters in Christ to stop the gossip and start the praying as well? Can you be that bold for Christ, for yourself, for your Brothers and Sisters in Christ? I am believing that the more we bring this evil to the light the less women we will find depressed, scared and even worse pushed away from the very God we have been called to serve. Final thought, is it or is it not easier to work for a person who feels the same as you do, supports the same morals and agendas? Well if we want to work together as a Body of Christ, as Sisters in Christ, we need to set the right example. Be quick to forgive, slow to speak and quick to listen, reminding ourselves that those very qualities are the ones we need to be working on and furthering God's magnificent Kingdom with.

Now on to the positive I said I would share at the end. Friend if you do not know Jesus as your personal Savior I encourage you to seek Him now. He is the only friend you will ever need! I assure you He is not far away. He is right there next to you waiting patiently for you to invite Him into your life. If after reading this you have doubts, I tell you now that all relationships have difficult times. All friendships have times of disagreements and conflict. If your a woman you know this already! It is a part of our lives, has been since the fall in the Garden of Eden. But you are worth it. Your friends are worth it. The legacy you will leave is worth it. Jesus is worth it! All you need to do is just ask. Tell Jesus you need him and you desire to be forgiven, tell him you want him in your life. That you believe not only with these words but also in your heart that He died for you. Take a moment to let that thought sink in. Realize you and I were worth it all to Jesus.

If you have a relationship with Him but feel that it needs some tending to, I encourage you to tend to it. Just as a garden grows only after much effort and time. So it is with relationships as well. Even our personal relationship with Jesus takes time and effort. But what a joy it is to put forth effort into the relationship with the one who gave up His every thing for us. Who took on our sins, our gossip our offenses as His own and continued to say as He hung on our cross, "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34 Ladies that is what our life needs to be all about, that is what our relationships need to encompass. A love that knows no end, that sees past the person and into their heart. A woman who knows that we all make mistakes and bad choices but she chooses to be like Jesus and love regardless. After all how can we expect a loving Savior to forgive us our book of wrongs if we are unable to forgive another theirs? Love is not a choice sweet friend, it is a calling. Placed on us by a God that gives us life and desires for us to have it abundantly. Wanting to do more with our lives than we can even think or imagine. Ephesians 3:20